Balancing Motherhood Outfit Details:
Jumpsuit: Adelyn Rae ‘Iris’ Jumpsuit (XS / runs small) – 40% off! (similar)
worn w/ Thirdlove Strapless Bra
Shoes: Steve Madden ‘Carrson’ in white (5.5 / TTS)
Earrings: Sugarfix for Baublebar Multi Tassel Earrings
Bag: Amazon Rattan Woven Round Bag (also love this one)
Watch: Fitbit ‘Versa’ with metal strap
Today’s post is a bit different than my norm and I’m getting raw and real with you guys. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen that I’m single parenting this week as Adrian starts up a busy season of traveling for work, and let me just say, the struggle is real. Summer break is upon us and I woke up at 5:30 am yesterday so I could run a load of laundry, get the trash taken out, pack lunches, and prepare breakfast for Dylan and Mei before I shuttled them off to the first day of their summer camp. Another 8 hours at the office later and I was fighting through rush-hour traffic to make sure I picked up the kids before the school closed down at 6pm. Every day I feel a sense of guilt as I’m one of the last ones to pick up my kids and wish that I somehow had more time to spend with them. Most days I’m lucky if I get maybe 3 hours together with the kids, but as you can imagine, that time is also filled with preparing dinner, cleaning the kitchen, getting the kids bathed and in pajamas, as well as picking up around the house. Some days, despite my best efforts, balancing motherhood can just be so tiring.
Funny enough, I’ve also had it the other way around. I left my previous corporate hedge fund job and was a stay-at-home mom for almost 2 years. Pregnant with Mei for the first 9 months, I then spent the next year after Mei was born at home with her as well. I’m so eternally grateful to have had the option to stay at home, but for me, it was equally difficult in a different way. Being a stay-at-home mom can be isolating at times and I learned that I was someone who needed feedback as well as mental stimulation from solving challenging technical problems. Similarly, while I loved the constant time with my little ones, I couldn’t help but also have guilt over other things like treating myself to clothes, a new handbag, or even a mani / pedi as I wasn’t pulling in nearly the same income as I was before.
I chose to return to a corporate job around Mei’s first birthday as part of me just wasn’t fulfilled being just a stay-at-home mom. I still remember the insecurity and fear I had during that time when it came to finding a job, but I’ll save that for a whole other blog post! I was lucky to find the job that I did, and while I whole-heartedly love my current role and the ways it’s helped me grow / stretch as a person, it also hasn’t been easy. Every day, I’m figuring out how to be more efficient with my responsibilities and excel in my role without again making sacrifices in the time I have with my family. Not to mention, there’s always that mom guilt of leaving my kids in someone else’s care for so many hours out of the day.
Lately, I’ve been feeling like I’m in the middle of a delicate dance, trying to find the balance between my work career and my mom life. Every time I give one more attention, I feel like I’m failing at my other role. Days when I’ve had to stay home because my kids get sick, I feel like I let my team down. In the same way, days when I stay late to catch up on work and am not able to sit down to dinner together, I feel like I let my family down. I’ve always been one to give all of myself whenever it comes to a task at hand which has always resulted in success, but now, there are many days (or weeks) where I feel like I’ve had to give things a half effort simply because there’s just not enough of me to go around. It’s a mix of exhaustion, defeatism, and honestly, feeling like I’m never enough.
What I’ve realized through all of this is that it’s not easy and there may not be a perfect solution to balancing motherhood. As I’ve struggled to find that perfect balance of work and family life, I’ve realized that there really isn’t one. There is always a juggling act of responsibilities and hoping that something important doesn’t fall through the cracks. I’ve had to silence the voices of self-doubt and second guessing that’s constantly happening inside my head, learning to accept that this is a season of my life and that the goal isn’t perfection.
If you ever have any of these struggles with balancing motherhood, I’d love to hear your thoughts!
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